Are you QUEER enough?

RULZ to live by, or MY QUEER MANIFESTO!

WARNING! This is probably offensive, but is put out there in hopes of starting smart, thoughtful, fun dialogue. Deal?

Oh man, do I love me some queer theory.  I am a self-identified (though not pretentious...as this post will surely show) THEORY NERD! I've also got a bit of the super-community-whore in me as well.  I love being part of communities.  Getting involved, making food, making friends...It's my jam.  So what could be more interesting to me than the myriad of conversations I've been having recently about the Queer Community.  

These conversations are commonly in this vein: "I love the queer community, but I find it can be very unfriendly", or "I don't feel like I'm accepted in the queer community because I don't LOOK queer", or...there's always the good old, "I think I'm more part of the lesbian community than the queer community".  I have some strong reactions to these comments.

So, I thought I'd write about what QUEER means to me.  The hard and fast RULZ! of being queer (tongue in cheek here people, obvi there aren't rules).  But here's how I know a queer when I see 'em.

Rule #1.  Anyone can be queer.

Yup.  You heard me.  Anyone.  Straight, white, cis-gender, non-disabled, monogamous, vanilla, rich, stereotypically fit and attractive frat boys can be queer. Stop freaking. Read on to rule #2

Rule #2 Being queer is political, behavioral, as well as community based.

I will consider you queer if you a) support queer politics through words and actions in your life (which I see as feminist, focusing on bringing attention to how power and privilege work in our world, mostly to the disadvantage of people of color, poor people, GSM* people, fat people, people in the disability community, etc..) b) want to be in the queer community and c) support other people being queer in the ways that make them happy.

*Have you guys heard of GSM?  It stands for Gender and Sexuality Minority.  I think this acronym should include people who are into polyamory, BDSM, and sex work as well as the LGBTIQQA crowd.  Why?  Well because I still think that's a minority of people, and the majority of folks have some feelings about those sexual practices...mostly negative feelings.  So....I have started using GSM instead of LGBT a lot of times. And! I'd put GSMers into the queer pot as well.  Well, except for those who don't want to be in the pot.  They don't have to get into the pot if they don't want to.

Rule #3 You probably have a strong affinity for glitter, rainbows, and unicorns.  And Lady Gaga.

I can't explain this rule.  I just know it to be true in my experience.  If you hate these things, you can still totally be allowed into my queer club (which I didn't know I had til right then)...but I bet you're just SAYING you don't like them to be contrary.  But maybe I'm wrong, maybe you really hate those things even though you're queer.  That's cool.  You're rare, friend.  

My rulz of queerness have officially ended.  

What's the point?  Mostly I want the amazingly engaged, active, subversive and transformative power that I see harnessed within the queer community to be open to people who care about being engaged, active, subversive and transformative.  I don't want people to feel awkward or unwelcomed because they're not "gay enough", "queer enough" or "trans enough".  I want people who are radical to be fucking friendly to each other.  I want people who grew up wearing polo shirts and who still wear polo shirts, because that's how they're comfortable...to sit next to a totally DIY grunge outfitted kid and be able to talk turkey about making this world DIFFERENT and BETTER.  

This doesn't mean I don't support SAFE SPACES.  I do.  I think having space where people who share specific experiences can get together and talk shop or support each other is REALLY important.  I'm mostly saying that I wish being queer wasn't JUST about who you wanna get it on with, or being gendervariant.  I wish being queer meant what it says on the bumper sticker in my car:

 As opposed to this:

So.  Do you identify as queer?  I wanna know, What makes you queer?  

love!

Donkey

S!H!S!P! We teach medical students about the birds and the bees!!

That's right- There's a cheer (Thanks to the co-coordinator, Perry Tsai!)  because it's just that exciting. 

It is always exciting when I know on Monday what I'm going to be writing about on Wednesday because something or someone so kick-ass has come across my path.  This week I was privileged to take part in a leadership meeting of the American Medical Student Association's (AMSA) Sexual Health Scholars Program (SHSP).  Pumpernickle and Donkey of the ScrewSmart triumvirate have taken on the role of facilitator coordinator for this program which takes medical students from ALL over the world and leads them through a year long, in depth training about sexuality issues. 

This program was started by 2 bad-ass, smart-as-shit, fantastic women- Shannon O'Hern and Rebecca Bak.  I didn't really understand the context of how amazing it was that they started this incredible program out of a simple idea and dream- until I heard the story at our meeting on Monday.  They saw that there is a huge lack of sexuality education in medical schools and wanted to do something about it as current med students themselves.  So they made a dream a reality and birthed (through force of effort, and with unbelievable amounts of energy) an entire national program which addressed this dire need. 

Just a little FYI- more people go to medical providers about sexuality issues than they do to sexuality professionals.  Makes sense to me- most people see a doctor, but not that many people know that there are professionals who focus specifically on sexuality issues.  Also! About 1/3 of all adults will experience sexual problems...so that's A LOT of people going to their doctors with questions about sex.  But! Most medical students receive less than 10 hours of training in sexuality related issues while in medical school...Yikes!!

So hopefully I've (in an abridged form) established that this program is VERY needed and VERY important.  But...let me tell you why I (as a sex-nerd) love this program soooo much.  Instead of just giving a survey course about the breadth and depth of different sexuality identities and behaviors that exist out there in the world- this program allows participants to practice clinical skills they will use with their patients.  These skills help them to provide care to their patients that is individually geared, respectful of diversity, free of judgement, and non-assumptive.  

Imagine walking into your doctor's office and knowing that regardless of your sexual orientation, gender identity, or sexual behavior practices or preferences- you will be treated by someone who is respectful and knowledgable about these issues.  You could ask questions, receive educational resources, and leave feeling prepared to take good care of yourself. 

Want that?  We here at ScrewSmart do too- That's why we're working to support and improve the program this year.  Are you a medical student?  Apply!!  Know someone that is- get them involved!

Just wanna show some love?  Comment below!

That's all from this weary but excited Screw.

Love!

Donkey

The Power of Consistency and Excitement About Something New!!

A Dabbling Adventure of Grand Proportion.

This Monday evening, one of the first gorgeous warm spring evenings of the season, I went on outreach with a dear friend, Kahndre 3000, from Project SAFE.  Do you guys know Project SAFE?  Go...go look them up, I'll wait.... Now...let me tell you my view on this group and why they win the Wack Off Wednesday Superhero Award  (yeah, I just made that up...but I'm pretty sure Annie Sprinkle, and Megan Andelloux have also won..)

Project SAFE is (as far as I know from casual convos with Kahndeleeza Rice) one of the only organizations that meets women where they live, work, and need services in ALL of Philadelphia.  They do this by bringing bags full of condoms, anti-septic wipes, tampons, bandaids, sterile wipes that are alcohol free (better for coochies, important Safer Sex item), resources, and bad date sheets to the sex work/heroine capital of Philly.  They then have about 1 interaction every 45 seconds with people who recognize them, depend on them, trust them, and seek them out on the street.  Who are these people?  They're....young, old, black, white, latino,  drug users, sex workers, men, women (though only women get most of those supplies), assault victims, community leaders, gay, straight, parents ...etc...).  They approached or talked to us because they recognized us.  They recognized us because someone from Project SAFE has been doing outreach and bringing non-judgemental support and care to their community for.... I think about 8 years?  A few times a week, every week, all year, for 8 years.  This means that Project SAFE has invested in this program for long enough to build relationships of trust and mutual respect.   

It's invaluable, irreplaceable, and intense to witness.  

Within 2 minutes of getting out of our car we were taking a report down to add to the Bad Date Sheet.  A woman who had never seen us (the individuals), but recognized we were Project SAFE workers- immediately started telling us about her experience while she was on a date (turning a trick?  I am clearly not someone who knows the correct language for this..).  She had been working when she got beaten, robbed, and strangled.  This was just another day in the office, was what I understood from her tone of voice.  But she was forceful in her desire to put this experience on the bad date sheet - the communities way of communicating with each other for greater common safety.  This was an opportunity for her to tell her story.  It is so important.  

Dear Project SAFE - You're important and I hope people recognize that.

Sooo...What's new and Exciting??!?  Why the Philadelphia Slut Walk...of course!  I add this to the end of this intense and sobering post because there are a million different ways to let people know that sexual assault is never ok.  It's not ok if the person's a slut, dressed provocatively, or a sex worker.  It's never ok.  The event is gonna be packed, and the more people's voices that join together the more people realize that this is an issue, and we should do something about it.

Plus- maybe the SlutWalk wants to talk to Project SAFE? Who knows...

love!

An-eating-a-sobering-amounting-of-humble-pie,-realizing-how-much-there-is-to-do-Donkey.

Thank God! Adele is Hot ...And FAT!!

I've had this song stuck in my head for weeks.  Like STUCK.  Here, take a listen and you'll understand why.  It's fucking good.

The gritty voice, the soul behind it.  I finally figured out who was singing it and I've been stalking her ever since.  Adele is a young, up and coming (since 2008...I'm always a little slow) singer, who's voice could level any other current pop-princess' as far as I'm concerned.  I went looking up more information on her today and realized, with gitty excitement...that not only is she wildly talented and beautiful (which I assumed because it's nearly impossible to become famous as a lady singer if you're not...grrr) but she's also so lovely and fat.  Ohhh!!  I'm wagging my excited little fists around like maracas!! It is so rare that a woman who rocks the curves breaks through and becomes someone I can hear at least once an hour on Q102 (top 40).  Adele has done just that.  After taking a minute to google her I realize that she's the real deal- grammies, Critic's Choice Awards, SNL performances.  She's really really famous, and really really awesome.

So of course 13 second after finding all her awards and people freaking out about how talented she is, I found a bunch of talk posing her weight as a negative thing.  Sigh.  Why don't people understand that someone who is fat and beautiful isn't an oxymoron!!  I've had some funny conversation with JD about this amazing block in people's minds.  JD was telling someone who came to our party that she's fat and proud of it.  The well-intending person replied- "No! You're not fat!! You're beautiful!"  To which JD replied.."I know, AND fat!"  God.  I love JD...and think she's one of the hottest fatties I can imagine :).  Getting to work with her means that I get to rub her belly on the regular and this makes me a happy donkey.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures I found of Adele being a fat hotty.  I post them here so we can all drool over this lovely, talented, and curvy pop-princess.  I know, I know...we should look at people's talent not their bodies.   But! She's hot I can't help it : p

Mmmmm.  Enjoy!

love! Donkey

Can you take away someone's sexual rights because they have a low IQ?

Wank Off Wednesday

Have you heard of this?  Cognitive impairment has always presented an ethical dilemma in the world of consensual sexual activity.  If you're drunk are you cognitively able to give consent?  Does it matter if you consented to drinking alcohol?  Are people living with Alzheimer's Disease able to consent to sexual activity?  Are people with development disabilities able to take responsibility for their sexual actions?  This article describes a court case where the outcome was definitively clear.  NO.  People with cognitive impairment are NOT able to make choices about their own sexual lives.  How does this make you feel?

Say Whhhhat?! 

We present the article.  A man living in a group home was in a consensual homosexual relationship with another man that he lives with.  His sex drive was seen as "vigorous"- and the court decided that he didn't have adequate awareness of what he was doing to be able to participate in consensual sexual activity.

Questions!  Do you think this is because his sexual activity was homosexual?  Do you think the court acted with his best interest in mind?  What do you think?  We'd like to get conversations started on this blog that challenge, question, and celebrate sexuality in all the places we find it.

Ready?  Hope so!  

Love!

Donkey