Hook Up Culture and My Academic Hard-on

You know what gives me a hard on? Sweet academic presentations. Specifically, ones that that walk the line of presenting lots of qualitative research about target populations to the same target populations in such a way that is informative, light and gets people motivated to make a change (are you singing Man in the Mirror yet?). Lisa Wade, professor of sociology and all things bitchen, does it. Her research counters the belief that there is too much sex on college campuses and focuses rather on the epidemic of BAD sex. I'm sorry, do I smell a pleasure activist? Hard-on high five.

Wade combines her research with others on how satisfied college students are with all their alleged hooking up and it turns out to be: not very. When only 11% of men and women surveyed liked their hookups and 50% were ambivalent; when orgasm ratios run 2:5 in favor of men, when 70%-73% of folks reported that they'd like to be in relationships, one wonders what the problem is. Students report wanting one of three things from a hook-up: an emotional connection, pleasure or to feel powerful, but no one's getting it. WHY OH WHY are people hooking up if it doesn't feel good? Wade suggests the culprit is "hook-up culture" as opposed to "hooking up." A culture that says that you gotta flag drunk to show you're on the prowl or that bad sex where people don't ask for what they want is better than no sex at all. And you know, I can understand why. As a sex educator, I do a lot of work with adults to help them figure out what they want and how to ask for it. And as an adult who's trying to practice what I preach, I try to do the same and sometimes fall short of the mark. It’s scary to say “hey, will you put on this monster mask, grease me up and feed me a pork sandwich with extra onions”?, ya know?

IN DEFENSE OF HOOK-UPs: Hook ups can be amazing things. They can show you what you don't want. They give you practice. Before we go out into the older dating pool, it's probably good that we get a few digital exercises in there beyond our own bits. And also, this is freedom baby. Getting out of your parent's home and out into the world is the big open road; it's getting a car and realizing, finally, you can go anywhere. But first, you end up going to the local place because you know it and it's easy. So far, this list is good know thyself stuff that anyone would want to glean before making long-term magics happen. It's when one forgoes pleasure or respect that these hook ups become what is misconstrued as the norm. So piping up becomes the remedy to avoiding bad hookups, which can usher in STIs, depression, and possibly rape (note: I don’t mean that to avoid rape all one has to do is “pipe up”, but rather, a movement towards communication and self-determination may subvert the dominance of unsafe environments that populate hook-up cultureland).

So yeah. I'm stoked. I'm stoked that Wade is out there making the case for young folks to demand their right to pleasure. That pleasure should be taught in schools as a measure of protection for our children (yes, our children...you don't remember?) so that they aren't as inclined to stay silent about needs and interests. I'm, ya know, gunna take a second to put on my "perverted feminist" badge and say that we need more smart folks out there, talking to communities and preaching the gospel of self-knowledge through pleasure-based sex education. That ain't about putting anyone underfoot, that's all about everyone getting what they want, ya know, like on birthdays. So maybe, if you've read this far (oy, whadda rant!) make a promise that the next time you're putting on your horizontal mambo moves, ask for one thing that you want, even if they've said no before, even if you're afraid to say it out loud or if it comes out sounding funny. just ask.

check Wade’s presentation out here~

Common Hour: The Promise and Perils of Hook-Up Culture from Franklin & Marshall College on Vimeo.