a small cry

terrifying suburbsPumpernickel at 14, buffaloI'm not that scared walking through industrial areas, or walking in cities, i'm not that scared in the woods (well, maybe a little), but nothing terrifies me like walking around sleepy suburbs when everything is quiet by ten. I grew up in East Amherst, a suburb of Buffalo in the early 90's. It was mostly affluent, mostly white and often voted the second safest neighborhood in America. But as a teenager finding solace in late night coffeeshop sessions with my friends, I came to realize that while the streets might be fine, no one I knew was truly happy at school or totally safe home.

bells supermarket in buffalo, nyJamey Rodemeyer in his room, 14, buffaloThis week, Jamey Rodemeyer, 14, took his life in Buffalo. He was both part of my Buffalo community and part of my gay community. He went to the neighboring highschool that I used to watch Peter and the Wolf and the growing christmas tree at during the holidays. I know his hallways and I know the gas stations and grocery stores he used to walk around. I can't shake the insidiousness of our shared experience, because it’s so easy to imagine being in that town again, a place that always feels like it’s holding its breath. Maybe everyone’s hometown feels unyielding because you’re rarely as powerless as you are when you’re a child. I believe this is why individuals who offer help in a child’s life make such an impact: for adults it’s simply an extra effort, but for kids, it can be punching through a seemingly impermeable force-field.

In my time studying Social Work, I have certainly focused on how to deliver services to families who have experienced economic destitute but have rarely discussed how to reach families who have the means but not the will. There is a belief that to accept help is particularly weak and that the face of need couldn’t possibly be privileged face. The truth is that the folks who most commonly commit suicide are older white men, and for young LGBT folks, this risk is 5x as high. Suicide accounts for 12% of all deaths among 12-24 year olds, the time before the frontal cortex, or the part of the brain that weighs repercussions, is fully formed. Some of the saddest news for me is that Rodemeyer was seeking help from social workers and therapists. He had made a It Get’s Better video. He had hope, which, in my suicide assessment training, is the main component that one must try to instill in someone who is considering suicide.

One thing that I am personally latching onto in terms of hope was that Jamey was inspired by Lady Gaga's message of being "born this way"- so much so, that his mother is burying him in a shirt with these words printed on. After his suicide, Lady Gaga made a public announcement over twitter and followed it up with a message to the president that bullying must be made illegal. Ironically, Jamey killed himself on the same day that the president was at the Federal Partners in Bullying Prevention Summit. In response Gaga started the #MakeALawForJamey trend, asking for folks to step up to what she rightly refers to as a hate crime.

I don’t think there’s any easy answer. I just know that my community members, the young folks who are supposed to be in training to help us keep up the work are dying off. I can’t bear to think about suicide taking away a stratum of my family the way that AIDS took away a whole stratum of thinkers, artists, activists and everyday folks in the 80’s. With this said, perhaps some of these resources could be of help to you or someone you know, please do feel free to write in with more.

• If you know someone who may be a danger to themselves: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
• If you're in Philadelphia and need to contact a Emergency Crisis Center so that a friend can get an assessment, West Philadelphia: 215-748-9525 or Center City 215-829-5249
• If you’re a teacher please consider downloading a safe space kit: http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/library/record/1641.html
• If you’re a guidance counselor please read more about how to talk about suicide with LGBT folks: http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/news/record/2736.html
• Support for Gaga's anti-bullying effort #MakeALawForJamey
• government anti-bullying page: www.stopbullying.gov